I was 6 weeks pregnant when it happened, so I shouldn't have been too suprised that it happened..because apparently it is quite common, but I was one of those women who thought it would never happen to me.
I felt sad, lonely, angry, helpless, and frustrated. Even though I was only 6 weeks along.. I had already had so much love for our baby. That may be hard to understand if you're not already a mom, or if you haven't gone through something like this before. For a while I was so completely devastated and depressed that I didn't want to talk to anyone about it, besides my parents or Jeremy. I was in denial for the first couple of days. I also didn't really know how to bring it up to anyone.. so I didn't. We are still in the grieving process (I feel like it won't ever go away until I get pregnant again), but things are looking up. With the support of our families, friends, and our branch family, we are pulling through.
I am so grateful for the gospel in my life. Times like these make me wonder what I would do if I wasn't a member of this church and didn't know of God's love for me. But I do know. I know that he loves me. I know that he is watching over Jeremy and I through all of this. I know that he listens and understands our prayers. I know that he has other things in store for us at this time of our lives, and that when it is the right time for us to become parents.. we will. This experience has been the most humbling experience I have had in my whole life.. but I know that it happened for a reason, and I am learning to accept that.
" 'Patience is tied very closely to faith in our Heavenly Father. Actually, when we are unduly impatient, we are suggesting that we know what is best--better than does God. Or, at least, we are asserting that our timetable is better than His' (Neal A. Maxwell "Patience," Ensign, Oct. 1980, 28). "We can grow in faith only if we are willing to wait patiently for God's purposes and patterns to unfold in our lives, on His timetable." - Robert C. Oaks
"Each trial we overcome is to strengthen, not destroy us. The Lord will never allow us to suffer beyond what we can endure." - Robert D Hales
4 comments:
Maddie, my heart goes out to you and Jeremy. I had a miscarriage before Kirsten was born. I didn't realize how much I wanted a child until I had lost that baby... I was barely pregnant as well and was shocked at the cavalier attitude that the doctors and my "friends" had. They said things like "there was probably something wrong with it" or "your body wasn't ready yet"... I found nothing they said very comforting at all.
I'd like to try to give you both some words of comfort, so as an old woman and a mother of three here goes:
Don't be afraid because you had a miscarriage that you won't be able to have another baby. I was pregnant with Kirsten only a few months after mine, and while it was worrisome to me, I had a completely uneventful pregnancy.
All roads lead to good when you follow the path of God. Your path may be rocky right now, but soon you'll be settled in a new place, beyond this rough patch. You have many things to look forward to, in spite of the obstacles immediately ahead.
It seems like you guys just got settled at the Texas post, and you're off again. One of the many benefits of your faith is knowing there will be a ward there, waiting to welcome you. Know that those of us you two have touched along the way are sending our thoughts and prayers. Bless you.
Maddie, I am so sorry! :( I miscarried in January and was devastated. But it taught me how precious a little one was and so when I got pregnant in April, I felt so much more grateful. You'll get through it, don't worry. But my heart goes out to you, hang in there girl.
Love,
Sam
Maddie and Jeremy, so sorry to hear your news and our hearts go out to you both. Know that we are keeping you in our thoughts and prayers.
Love,
Diane and Scott
Hey Maddie, I just caught up with everything on here and wanted to let you and Jeremy know that I am thinking about both of you and wishing you well in this tough time.
To go along with the first comment...my mother had a miscarriage between my sister and I (which is why we're almost 6 years apart) and she was terrified she wouldn't be able to get pregnant again - and a couple years later there I was!
I found the last 2 paragraphs of your post to be very inspirational. The fact that you believe that when God feels you and Jeremy should become parents it will happens shows the strength of your faith. Keep your head up darling! :)
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